Constant death

We are all in a process of constant death…. That is allowing you that you don’t have to let go, because there is nothing to hold on to.’

– Alan Watts

When i start to draw my mind comes to a stop. My thoughts stop spinning, worrying and planning. Because multitasking is a myth, at least in this case. I can´t worry and draw simultaneously. The pen siphons all thoughts and emotions down and leaks them on paper, adding it’s own spin. I am empty, at peace. Maybe that’s the closest I can come to experience death while alive, or being alive while already dying.

You don’ worry anymore when you are dying, cause there is nothing to stop it anyway. The rumour goes that a certain kind of peace grips you on the deathbed. That you finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Meditation, other states of doing or being achieve this as well… a feeling of peace so deep no kind of war can pierce it. So i wonder if … when you don’t worry and are at peace, when you are in the flow … are you closer to being alive or being dead?

Or is it by chance the same thing? Can we let go of the separating judgemental labels?

I draw, among else, to prevent the mindmovies to take over. They will loose every time against the pen. When i draw and paint i am fully present. I am at peace. Am I alive or dead in those instances?

You don’t have to let anything go, because once you are in the flow nothing clings to you anyway… it falls off by itself, like water washes clean and smooth around a rock.

We are dying/living the moment we touch ground. Two sides of the same coin, none worse or better. Both add worth and meaning to the other. Without the conceived opposite it couldn’t exist… balance.

Creativity. Creating. Evolving. Destroying. Changing. Circle of existence in a corporeal form.

Every touch of pen and paper dissolves piece by piece of what is me person-ally and brings to light more of the true ‘I Om’. Astonishingly, thats quite the quirky I. Maybe we are all quirky and weird at our best, unfiltered moments.

Maybe Alan is right, and there’s no thing to let go of, because it’s simply a matter of not holding on. I don’t know why this quote speaks to me. Maybe because it takes all the struggle away and focuses right on what’s important. Being fully present. Death is another word for transformation, for change. You fear it because you can think about it, and you judge the concept.

We are all in.

Me and my drawings have an agreement: we do not judge each other. So we can be what we are, no hiding, no shame, no fear. We are what we are. So when i draw i don´t hold on to the line, the surface, the idea. There’s no intent for the outcome but peace in the scratching of the pen, the repetitive meandering of the sneaky line. The deep satisfaction of a chaotic layered bunch of scratch ballpointlines, the surprise when i resurface and look at the bigger picture from a distance.

The humbless each details teaches me, each detail adds to the final image, invisible during the process itself. So i learn to trust. Not to judge. It’s life as we can see it too. The humbless each moment teaches, each detail adds to the final image, the bigger picture invisible during the process

Everything changes when i add a new line. With a single accidental sneeze or an emotional eruption the whole picture will change. It’s alive. We are connected. I am nothing but the means for the image to be created. i am everything because i am the only means this creative impulse has to manifest itself. It’s life.


‘We are all in a process of constant death…. That is allowing you that you don’t have to let go, because there is nothing to hold on to.’

– Alan Watts

(hauled from the past of march 2015 and edited in the present)